Her Wedding Night Jitters
My wedding night and honeymoon were absolute disasters. When I look back, I’m filled with regrets because I let rumors and hearsay ruin one of the most special times in my life.
Prior to my engagement, nobody talked about sex around me. I never thought about it or thought to ask my married friends about it. Once I became engaged, however, all bets were off, and my married friends all rushed to warn me about the wedding night. You read that right: warn! “it’s so painful,” one would say. The other would nod her head in agreement, “yeah, it really hurts.” Of course rather than looking forward to my wedding day and subsequent night, I began dreading them.
The rational part of me reasoned that it couldn’t possibly be that bad. After all, people have been doing it for millennia, and based on popular culture, they seem to enjoy it! On the other hand, every single person I talked to spoke of pain and profuse bleeding, neither of which I’m fond of.
The day of reckoning arrived: my wedding was beautiful; I loved everything about it, from my dress, to the location, and most importantly, my husband. During the wedding, my fears were pushed aside as I enjoyed the most special day of my life. Once we were on our way to the hotel however, it was a different story.
My husband was very gentle and loving, but none of that helped calm my nerves. I was tense, worried, and unresponsive because my mind was racing with fear. The first night was spent engaging in light foreplay and lots of cuddling. I’m fortunate that I have a very understanding husband, who put my needs ahead of his own. I was very conscious of this fact, and the fact that many husbands aren’t as patient and would have forged ahead regardless of their wives emotional distress.
The next morning we headed to the airport for a luxurious, two week long honeymoon in Malaysia. In spite of the beautiful scenery and romantic atmosphere, we didn’t consummate our marriage. We’d have an awesome time during the day, holding hands, taking trips and enjoying the sights. Come night time, however, the stress returned. My husband would take his time trying to excite me; I tried taking muscle relaxants to help me loosen up, all to no avail. A couple of times I waited till my husband was in the shower and pretended I was sleeping!
I became convinced there was something physically wrong with me, and upon my return home I actually visited a gynecologist. Naturally, there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. At this point, I had been married for more than 3 weeks. Both of us began feeling a distance growing between us thanks to my avoidance and his feelings of rejection. Finally, I made up my mind that tonight was the night. It was inevitable, so why keep putting it off?
Armed with my determination, we were finally successful. And to my complete and utter shock, it was painless, and I didn’t bleed. Not one iota of pain. Not one drop of blood. I ruined our wedding night, spoiled our honeymoon, caused both of us undue stress for nothing. All thanks to well-meaning friends who thought they were doing me a favor.
As it turns out, not all women bleed, and not all experience pain. Some women have elastic hymens, while others have little hymen tissue. Others still may have broken it due to physical lifting or exercise as a young girl and not even realized it! Some women won’t feel much pain and bleed so little it’s not even noticeable! The more gentle and patient the husband, the less discomfort a woman endures. Curiosity got the best of me and I discovered that only 43% of women bleed on their first time! I realized that we grow up hearing that more pain and bleeding equals virtue and purity, when in fact virtue is a character trait, invisible to the eye but perceptible in a woman’s integrity.
My message to every woman on the verge of marriage: don’t do what I did. Enjoy your wedding night to the fullest and don’t let anecdotal evidence taint your special day.